“By my barn burning down, I could see the moon.” – haiku
Peach and I are now about 8 weeks into our hiatus from life.
Though we are not accomplishing as much as I’d hoped we would with seven hours a day to ourselves, I’m trying to stay in the moment and not get too caught up in the “shoulds” of life. While there is plenty we “should” be doing, the laundry is getting done most weeks, the meals are being prepared, and Peach is completing a bit of school work, though she is easily worn down if we don’t take frequent breaks and allow for time between assignments. And some days, like today, I just need to acknowledge she is healing, and let her rest without stressing over the work that isn’t getting done.
A few days ago, just as the tutor was leaving, my dear friend Patricia stopped by, to bring me some much-needed adult conversation, and for Peach, a gift. It was a kit for sewing a menagerie of felt animals by hand, and Peach went crazy over it. So far, she has produced a hedgehog and a panda, and we’ve already had to buy more felt for things she has stirring in her brain. While the school work is quite taxing for her, the creative pursuits seem to come easily most days. The results are not always what she envisions, and she is often frustrated by that, but I believe this stands true for most artists. It is during the creative bursts that something Dragon once said comes to the forefront of my mind… “All human goals lead to freedom.”
I sometimes wonder if what we’re going through is the Universe’s way of giving Peach the freedom she’s craved, an answer to a wish of the soul. She’s an imaginative little thing, and the rigors of school are often stifling to her, sitting still and following instruction on subjects that mean little or nothing to her, while her entire being is desperate to make or bake or draw something. She enjoyed school when she was small, when lessons were taught through song and dance and visuals. In recent years, she has often complained of being bored at school, and though I believe much of that is a result of the anxiety, I cannot help but think that just maybe, she needs to be otherwise engaged. And while I myself am feeling pretty constrained by the recent changes, I cannot help but notice that I’m writing a bit more since I stepped back from my day job… Something I’ve been longing to do.
The very first time Peach spoke to a counselor, she revealed that she worried for my safety, specifically that she feared a fire at our house that might put me in peril while I was home alone. When the therapist told me, I remember sitting there, stunned, as I’d had no clue these thoughts were swirling through my child’s head. In an instant, I understood why she’d suddenly stopped listening to our audiobook of Usborne’s “Complete Book of Farmyard Tales” a couple of years before. She’d told me one night, “I don’t like the story about the barn on fire. It’s scary.” Of course, I’d pointed out that the barn wasn’t really on fire, that it was simply two campers who’d unwisely lit a campfire behind the barn, but the fear was there, nonetheless…
The Law of Attraction says, “Ask, Believe, Receive.” It compels us to set the intention (make the wish,) then get out of the way. The ‘What’ is our only responsibility; the mysterious ‘How’ that often eludes us mortals is up to the Universe.
So perhaps, there is a silver lining here, an open window to the doors that have closed, a life – or two – that is meant to be lived in place of the life that was planned. A stirring view of the moon where a barn once stood, blocking out the heavenly glow.